My husband sent me the link to this blog post by Tish Harrison Warren, timely encouragement that was very much needed. Last night this is how dinner went at our house: I prepared a meal I knew both of my boys really liked, only to have both of them eat a few bites and be done. Dustin and I spent our meal scarfing down our food as we tried to coax them to eat more of theirs. I also played defense with Owen as he likes to put his fingers in my food and crawl on the kitchen table (he wasn’t strapped into his seat because Gram insisted Owen sit on the bench for dinner and Gram sit in the big chair…I’ll never do that again!)
Literally, this was the ONLY conversation my husband and I had during dinner:
Me: “Did you get a lot done today honey?”
Dustin: “Yeah, coming along well.”
That’s it. That…is…it!!! Quite a dinner, let me tell you. These days I feel exhausted- tired from not having a full (6 hours?) nights sleep in almost 16 months!!! Tired from the repetition and consistency that’s required when raising little ones, repeating over and over again “No fighting over doors!” “Please don’t growl in Owen’s face, Gram.” “Owen, don’t put that in your mouth. Stop playing in the toilet.”
I have another post for another day about the joys of this summer, but for right now, I need more coffee. Right now, I’m trying to be satisfied with my greek yogurt, blueberries and granola breakfast because what I really want is a donut, many donuts. Right now I’m trying to get excited about picking up the house (for the 1, 278th time this week) and playing chase with the boys (also for the 1,278th time this week!)
What I wish I was doing was picking up a book for the 1,278th time this week and reading, or laying in bed to sleep for the 1,278th time this week. Those are my daydreams these days. Nothing super exciting, just rest and time to myself. Simple, quiet moments to myself is what I’m missing these days. The boys get up early…very early…like 5-6am early. I wish I had just a few quiet moments to myself before the house arose, time to prepare for the day before the breakfast and dishes and clothes and play and diapers and laundry start. I wouldn’t mind getting up early before they do if I had a nights sleep to feel a bit rested as I arose early. It’s just a no win right now.
I hope I’m not coming off whiney or ungrateful or lame. I sure don’t mean to be. I want to be honest, but not feel sorry for myself. If I have learned anything from being a parent, it’s that everything is a phase, all hard stages eventually give way to…a different hard stage! Ha! But at least it’s a new challenge, something different with hopefully more sleep, that’s the stage I’m ready for.
This morning in my devotional reading (done as I watched the boys play in muddy water), I was encouraged by this:
“Jesus sees us, too, but not in a casual, indifferent way. He feels our pain and He knows our struggles. You can take comfort in knowing that as you walk the sometimes difficult and painful path of parenthood, His heart goes out to you as well. Remember that you are not alone. He is walking alongside you this very day.”
Thank you Jesus for keeping me company every day.